Texting of the Bread review

My thumbs are freaking fat, and I hate texting on my iPhone. People trying to have quick conversations with me can forget it. I have not seen any reason to increase my touch screen output speed. I am quite pleased with my computer keyboard speed, but at least that gets me some recognition. Typing like a mad man on a small screen has been a non-issue. That is until now. Now my letters hurt, and my words kill. With malicious intent hell-bent on surviving the onrush of evil zombie…gingerbread men.

In Texting of the Bread you get the classic Typing of the Dead arcade game crammed into your handheld. The controls are all about the on-screen keyboard you use when texting. I would have preferred to have it full screen with the function keys, and space removed for example. As I mentioned earlier I have fat thumbs, and I make a lot of mistakes. These don’t hurt the female protagonist wielding a huge minigun. It rather hurts the stats after each level.
The zombie gingerbread men all have words, abbreviations or single letters above the head. To kill them simply enter the letters, and if you want to target another zombie simply tap it. The selected target has the letters in a green speech bubble instead of white. Too many times I find myself planning ahead, and not seeing that I missed a letter of a previous zombie. In these cases I make a lot of mistakes. The feedback for missed letters is not strong enough for me to notice the blinking red screen.

img_1391If the going gets too tough you can shake your phone to unleash a tidal wave of milk to drown all the gingerbread men on screen. This milk attack is shown as large containers filling up as you blast away. I would have liked an on screen button option for this special attack.

The presentation is ok, and the different enemies are cute. More could have been done to the protagonist, and backgrounds could change to reflect progress. The music is quite good setting a good survival mood. The milk firing female hero has a number of one-liners that are fun at the same time as they age quickly. One really annoying thing is that I can’t find any way to turn off vibration when facing bosses. This is not just a short burst of vibration, and thus can’t be played somewhere where it might disturb the surrounding.

img_1394Three different game modes are available, but I find it hard to tell them apart. Freeplay, survival and arcade. The main mode is the arcade mode, but it plays much like a survival mode where you restart from wave one after a game over. Arcade mode does end after 75 levels though, but it is hard to keep motivation up for that long. Texting of the Bread is a fun, but extremely repetitive game. This can’t be solved by having different kinds of zombies, bosses or funny scripts. To some extent the large number of achievements can save the game from turning into a chore.

Texting of the Bread is a cool concept based on a even cooler idea. It works quite well for the iPhone, but I doubt that I get better at texting personally. I become better at writing braaaaains, lol and omg for sure. If you think the idea seems neat you will definitely find a couple of hours of fun with this game. If you think it sounds horrendous as a concept it won’t change your opinion.

Final Rating


Texting of the Bread $1.99
Version: 1.1
Seller: ScrewAttack Entertainment LLC
Tested on an iPhone 4.

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