Oi mate it is me, Hector, and I am back.
Well not really back, but rather blown up like a nasty rubber doll. Now you can get a better peak at me muscular gut in full iPad glory. Consider this a warning to all the ladies out there, I am a buff man, a copper and a hero. You will get wobbly knees so you better not play this game out in public. No, better snuggle with me in bed then.
My game is controlled by a geezers grubby fingers smearing all over my home in Clappers Wreake. Touching something lets you get a copper’s wit describing the item/person or general area. Tapping twice induces an action of sorts if I can be bothered, or am I sober enough. Heck, a man has got to keep hydrated at all times. Finally there is a handy inventory where I keep stuff I find. The greasy finger can combine these items into new ones when I need some condom fishing tool for example.
I might have an ear infection or something, but I still think that everything sounds really nice around here. Sure the grubby fingered Swede poking me might think that some sort of lip sync should be mandatory on the larger screen. To that I can say that I am up for someone syncing lips to me body anytime. Punters, criminals and the ordinary depraved blind porn mongrels are all voiced beautifully. That is when they shut the heck up, I am the star and it is me bleedin name in the title.
Dirt looks dirtier when shown on a bigger screen, that is a fact. As my home town of Clappers Wreake is more or less a turdhole. I guess it looks a lot like the hotel room the crew at TouchGen shared last year at E3: condoms, pizza boxes and a passed out man-whore in a box.
That mongrel of a Swede might argue that this is the exact same game he reviewed for the smaller device back in the fall of 2010. And well as punters go he is actually correct. This is the same game on a larger device with a heftier price tag. Considering you get to see more of my massive abs (supposed to hang outside pants to be really big mind you) that price should be justified, right? Well that unpronounceable piece of crap disagrees with me. He even deducted some points from the final rating for it, bastard. Something about “lack of content”, missing “extra features” beside the size and all that.
Anyway if you are not a complete tosser you have already played around with me sweaty body on the iPhone. If so then the reason to play with me again is quite limited. If, however, you are one of those jerks sitting about waiting for an iPad version you better buy me game now. If you haven’t managed to save up seven dollars during the past six months you should probably sell that iPad. I will continue my adventure in Clappers Wreake this autumn, and if you want to follow the work of a true copper you better get on it now.
Hector: Ep1 HD – We negotiate with terrorists $6.99
Seller: Telltale Games