Crap of Defense review

Crap of Defense is not the worst game ever. It claims to be in the App Store description, but it can’t be the worst because then it wouldn’t be on my iPhone. It would definitely be on Justin Grubb’s device. My deductive logic thus says that it can’t possibly be the worst game ever.

In Crap of Defense you control a single tower that you have to control both aim, and power for. To aim the cannon simply tap somewhere on the battlefield, and hold to set power. The more power, the larger the blast radius. Release to fire the shell. You can’t tap rapidly to shoot multiple shells, but the power bar needs to reach past the red zone. Soldiers keep on marching towards you, and for each level there is a set number of soldiers to kill, and a set number that can invade until it is game over.

img_0798Powerups are a large aspect of the gameplay, and there is a wide variety that randomly appears on the battlefield. To pick them up simply tap on them, but make sure not to blast them to smithereens first. Some are instant such as the slow time, and others have to be selected for usage such as the multiple warheads special. The powerups add both strategy, and some variety to the gameplay.

Soldiers keep on marching, and guns keep on blasting. After a couple of levels I am feeling that the game becomes all about repetition. This is definitely a game that is in need of more variation. As it is now I still enjoy the odd short session with it, but is definitely not drawing me in like games with more focus on strategy. Furthermore I actually get tired from the constant barrage needed to succeed.

The presentation isn’t the worst ever, and I actually enjoy the limited animations of the soldier cutouts shuffling across the battlefield. Blood can be turned off, but I find it hilarious to have bloody smears after a blasted troop of paper soldiers. For the worst game ever it is really polished. The music is limited to the odd fanfare here, and marching music there but it suits the game perfectly. Sound effects are sparse, and I would have liked some proper sounds of death in the vein of the first Postal “I can’t feel my legs”. You can play your own music, and keep the in game sound effects.

img_079624 levels over three difficulty levels paired with a survival mode lets you have as much Crap of Defense you can muster. To me the lack of variety definitely limits game life, and as there is no online functionality the survival mode feels lackluster. Playing against my own scores is not too fun.

Crap of Defense is definitely not a bad game, but it suffers from lack of variation. There is a lot of content, and the game is quite polished despite the claim of being the worst game ever. Try the lite version to see if it is the kind of crap you need in your life.

Final Rating


Crap of Defense $1.99 (get it from Crap of Defense)
Version: 1.0
Seller: iFun4all
Crap of Defense Lite

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  • Feltzem

    New stars!
    I actually got this game just after it was released, thinking it would be a laugh as Enviro-Bear is. But I was surprised at how good it actually is. Definitely not 5 star good but not ‘crap’ either.

  • Pillz

    Hey, it looks like “Final Fortress” on Miniclip ! I’m gonna try it now.

  • Pillz

    Well actually it’s not like “Final Fortress”.

  • AnotherTim

    True, it’s not bad enough to get a Grubbs review.